my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My cat gives me a boner
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
