Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
