Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My vagina is officially offended.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
