he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
