is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my being single is dangerous.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
