You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My penis needs a shock collar
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
