Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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