just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
