She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
