wrigley field is MILF paradise
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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