Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
