Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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