goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
