Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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