is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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