I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
