gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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