so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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