i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So much rum. So many feels.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
