I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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