Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
