Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
