Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
