non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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