Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
