If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
