dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
