I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
