yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
