new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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