Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
