Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
