wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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