Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
