Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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