You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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