I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
