Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
