the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize