You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
