so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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