Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
