I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
