mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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