Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
