I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
