we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
