My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
