I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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