I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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