Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
