i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
