I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
