Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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