Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize