after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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