Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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