I think my vagina is haunted
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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