so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
