if you like me you must not know who I am
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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