The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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