Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
