I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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