I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
