I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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