Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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