How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
