did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
