there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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