break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
