i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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