Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
