Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My vagina just recognized that song.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
