Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
