Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
