that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
