And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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