I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
