So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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