As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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