what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
