he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
