Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
